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This period represents a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” hit the mainstream. At the time, the idea that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the height of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, finding a mate has only become more confounding – an oftentimes fruitless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by online jargon.

Zoomers, a generation who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a comprehensive glossary to the phrases Zoomers is using to discuss romance, sex and the search of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral memes, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – For gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your real, raw self. Best wishes with that!

B

Avian theory – A social media test connected to a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reply is engaged or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This refers to choosing someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people bond while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie excess, it describes pairs who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Behavioral traits suggesting a prospective partner is not right. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions validate your decision to date a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately kill any feelings of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {